Rain
by milyko88
Summary: Bella's musings as she looks back over her time in Forks.  Set during New Moon.  One-shot.


**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight and Breaking Benjamin owns "Rain".**

It was another rainy day in Forks and I was sitting in the rocking chair in my bedroom staring out the window at the heavy drops falling from the sky. My earbuds were in and my iPod was on low. The same song was on repeat as I was thinking. Thinking about everything that had been going on in my life since I moved to this cold, wet town I called my home.

_Take a photograph  
__It'll be the last  
__Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here_

Edward had removed the photograph of the two of us I had taken just days before he disappeared from my life. It was the one and only picture I had of the two of us. I thought the love we shared was enough for us to be together. I thought he loved me. That nothing could ever tear us apart. I was wrong. He never really loved me. It was all a lie. I was nothing to him.

_I don't have a past  
__I just have a chance  
__Not a family or honest plea remains to say_

Forks was a fresh start for me. It was a chance to start over and become someone new. No one knew me here. I could be whatever I wanted to be. Do whatever I wanted to do. I didn't though. I was still the same old Bella. Well, I was until Edward came into my life. I changed for him. I became who he wanted me to be. I realized that now. I wasn't myself when I was with him.

_Rain, rain go away  
__Come again another day  
__All the world is waiting for the sun_

It was always raining in Forks. After growing up in Phoenix, I longed for the sun. I wanted to feel its warmth upon my skin. To feel the happiness it invoked deep within me. I felt cold all the time now, except for when I was with Jacob. He was my own personal sun. He warmed my heart and put a smile on my face.

_Is it you I want  
__Or just the notion of  
__A heart to wrap around so I can find my way around_

I found myself thinking more and more about Jacob lately. I was beginning to develop feelings for him. I just didn't want to admit them to myself or to anyone else. Did I really like Jake or was I just looking for someone to fill the hole that Edward had created? Jake made me feel alive again. Was it him that I loved or just the feeling of being me again?

_Safe to say from here  
__We're getting closer now  
__We are never sad 'cause we are not allowed to be_

Jacob and I were getting closer everyday. I opened up to him more than I had ever opened up to anyone else. He understood me better than my own family did. Better than Edward ever had. I was happy when I was with Jake. He brightened my days. I laughed with him and smiled. I almost never felt the pain in my heart when I was around Jacob. He wouldn't let me sink down into my pit of despair. He kept me human and sane.

_Rain, rain go away  
__Come again another day  
__All the world is waiting for the sun_

The rain was pounding harder now on my window pane. I continued to stare at it coming down. Rain was like the tears of the world. Washing away all the dirt and grime of humanity for a brief period of time before it all came rushing back. Tears helped to wash away the pain and the hurt, the anger and the disappointment of the soul. They were a person's way of getting rid of all the bad feelings for a time before they came crashing back down on you.

_Rain, rain go away  
__Come again another day  
__All the world is waiting for the sun_

I was still sitting. Sitting and waiting for the sun to come. For better days, when I would want to get up in the morning. Days where I wouldn't have to hold myself together through the pain or rely on Jacob to make me happy. I was waiting for the answer.

_To lie here under you  
__Is all that I could ever do  
__To lie here under you is all  
__To lie here under you is all that I could ever do  
__To lie here under you is all_

My mind flashed to the countless times that Edward and I had lain together on my bed at night. He would always wrap me up tight to keep out the chill of his body. I would still curl up into his side though. I swear he never moved the entire night. I would wake up and he would be lying still beneath me. I thought of all the more recent times I had fallen asleep with Jacob., normally on the couch after snuggling up to watch a movie or some show on television. We would both fall asleep and I would wake up sweating from the heat of his body on top of me. Our limbs tangled together in a mess as our bodies tried to get closer.

_Rain, rain go away  
__Come again another day  
__All the world is waiting for the sun_

The rain was letting up now. I was still thinking. I knew I would have to decide soon what I was going to do. I couldn't hold on to Edward forever. He had left and there was no sign that he was coming back any time soon. I knew Jacob loved me. It would be easy to love him back, if I would only let myself. I wasn't being fair to Jake and I needed to make up my mind to love or leave him alone. Which would it be?

_Rain, rain go away  
__Come again another day  
__All the world is waiting for the sun  
__All the world is waiting for the sun  
__All the world is waiting for the sun_

The song ended and I switched my iPod off. I looked out the window and saw the sun peeking through the clouds as the rain began to stop. I had my answer. I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do. I headed to the door and made my way out into the sun. I was waiting for the sun, but this whole time the sun had been with me. He had waited patiently until I came to my own realizations. I hopped in my truck and drove off into the sunlight towards my own personal sun.


End file.
